I’m gearing up for a pretty rough next few weeks… tests, papers, finals and then summer. It’s seems impossible that I can make it through the semester without my head exploding because my three finals are Comprehensive, meaning I started studying last week for Patho. It’s kind of ridiculous how much information I have to know.
There are a lot of changes that are spurring around me and well, I’m not a fan of change. It takes time for me to adjust to said change and in the end I’m usually alright.
I wish people realized the amount of pressure I put on myself. I’m in nursing school, one of the hardest schools to get in and I’m struggling to stay alive, as are all nursing students. It’s a day to day progress and there are both good and bad days. Last week was a pretty good week overall, and hopefully it can only get better. Hopefully. I’m tired of people assuming I’m going to do great and then when I do badly, they don’t want to step on my toes… just keep encouraging me, because I need something to help me stay afloat.
I was watching the Wizard of Waverly Place yesterday while I studied and I realized that I want the perfect little bubble world we always see on Television, even though I know it doesn’t exist. Really though, it shows me that some previous thoughts on religion are becoming truer every day. Each day that I wake up and realize that I am not liking how things are, I am that much closer to wishing the rapture would occur, and that was always something I selfishly didn’t want to happen. I guess God is using this “change” I don’t like to get the bad spots out of me. It’s working.
I can’t wait for the next 16 days to fly by.. or two weeks and two days… freedom sounds really good right now.
FYI, I know some of you read this are going to assume you know what I’m referring to, please don’t. There is a lot I don’t share on this blog, simply because I’m a chicken and don’t like how people are going to react. I tend to internalize a lot that I deal with and dwell on ridiculous things that are out of my control, seriously. Let’s just say that I try to appear stronger than I really am, and right now I’m very weak in certain areas of my life. It’s something I struggle with constantly. I don’t have it all together and I don’t like pretending I do. Maybe someday I will do a post on my insecurities, ha!
- 1 H/G test left this week
- 1 presentation(Spirituality) this week
- 1 HA test next week
- 1 paper next week (H/G)
- 1 standardized test next week (HESI)
- last Patho test the NEXT week.
- Health Assessment final the day after the Patho test
- Spirituality final essay due Wed.
- two days later on Friday is my Health Assessment Final
- the following Monday is my Patho final
- and the last day on Wednesday is my Health and Gerontology final
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I'm the same. I tend to appear stronger then I really am especially when it comes to my interactions with my family. That's one of the things I've really struggled with on "Big is Beauty." I'm forced to talk about my insecurities.
I'm not really worried about strangers seeing it but my friends and especially my parents. Now that I've been talking more I feel I have a better relationship with my parents.
@Samantha,
I've been airing my "dirty laundry" to strangers for years, it actually makes me feel weirder knowing my friends and family read this. It's hard to talk about things because I grew up in a family where we didn't discuss our issues, and so they just sit and boil.
My mom and I have always been open about most things, but with the rest of my family it is much harder.
I'm sure for you it's a lot easier to talk on BIB and for your parents to hear that stuff that maybe you couldn't tell them face to face.
I have to assume I'm one of the changes, even though you told me not to assume. :p But we talked about that already, and I hope we're still okay.
None of us have it all together. And (hopefully) no one expects you to have it all together. I don't think anyone would judge you for what you put on your blog. I mean, if you have an issue with someone, go to them first instead of airing it out online, but general thoughts should not hold you back. Friends won't hold that against you. Like, when I made that big post about how insecure in love I felt, but I hated that I came off as so depressed and whiney all the time and bogged down my friends with those feelings… Lory left me a nice comment saying it was good to just know where your friends stand.
Anyway, here's to summer! And Trecca dates!
@trina, No, I hate you! (I'm TOTALLY kidding).
What we talked about is a part of the changes in my life, but it's not necessarily a negative change. I'm actually talking about several things, and I said not to assume because I knew you would. ;) It's ok, I do the same thing. I think jami said once it's a carlton thing or something? lol
Like I said to Sam, there are some things in my family that I can't go to the person about, and so sometimes I just need to let it out. I do try to confront the other person if I have an issue (most of the time), but some people (not just in my family) are really hard to talk to, I'm sure I can be at times.
I was just wanting everyone who reads this blog, which some of them, I don't know that well at all, that there is a lot I don't share on here, mainly because of privacy concerns for me and some for my family. I also can't always share stuff about friends, because well, you guys would get offended or be hurt because I was sharing something you shared in confidence. Anyway, I really have to think about what I'm going to say to make sure I don't offend several parties. Sometimes it gets overwhelming, and other times, I just block out the bad things and try to forget they exist… The latter part tends to just happen without me realizing.
Anyways, I learned a long time ago not to rant on here about other people because they will find out and come after you with sporks!
haha I love that you used Trecca!
Never compare me to Carlton! Ahhh!
Okay, don't call it 'assuming' I knew I was part of what you were talking about because we had just discussed this particular change and I knew your dislike of changes. That's all I meant.
@Trina, I put the disclaimer there for several people… the people who comment are not the only ones who read, my family does too and friends from high school and college, not to mention internet people who don't know me well. I didn't want anyone to read into what I wrote. Yes, I figured you would think I was talking about your moving, and I was, but it's not the only thing I was referring to. I didn't want you to read it thinking the entire entry was about you moving, because it isn't. I didn't want others to read into it about things they might now.
Anyways, sorry if I got you riled up about Carlton or anything else.