Wow, it’s been longer than I thought.
I’m officially on spring break from school, although I still have two days of work to go, but no studying makes all the difference! We signed the lease on the new apartment yesterday and took the first few boxes over. Already I am feeling down. The bedrooms and bathroom are smaller than I realized, but I guess it will be good to downsize some things, however not fitting the furniture in the room? Yeah, not entirely happy that I can only put the bedroom in one arrangement.
Regardless, I’m amazed by how much I think we’ll enjoy the new place. Renting has ups and downs but knowing that we won’t have anyone above us is awesome… not to mention that the apartment below is not always full of people, such a plus. I will definitely post some pictures when I have the time to take some, so probably this weekend.
On another note, I was thinking about jealousy today. I get jealous when I feel that other people have things I want: more money, a salaried job, babies, getting to hang out with their friends because they work with them, living in a house they own, getting to have a puppy… the list could go on and on. I have a hard time accepting the fact that the way my life is sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, but I am not where I want to be just yet. I’d love to be out of school and working because I’m ready for a full-time job. I’m ready to move into a house and start a family with Gray. I’m just ready for more, but of course, we have to do all these steps. We need real, full-time jobs to afford a house or a baby or both. When I finally get that job, I know I won’t be perfectly happy, because I’ve had a full-time job before that I hated. I’m just ready to be through this school stage of life. I know I am where God wants me to be, but I’m just ready to move on with life.
I guess what I am getting at, is that we all want things that we don’t get to have at the moment. It’s hard to be satisfied, knowing that you desire something so strongly. All I know is that despite what I want, God knows exactly what I need, and if I truly needed it right then, I would have it. It’s all about timing, and God’s timing is perfect. Want to make God laugh, tell him your plans for yourself. No matter how great we thinks our plans are, his are always better in the end. Always.
So while I don’t get to see my friends nearly enough and I suck at keeping in touch with them, I have friends, and that’s awesome. I have a roof over my head, even if it’s not the house I want… and I have family, even though it doesn’t include my own children yet. It’s like the Robert Frost poem, “The Road Not Taken.” It’s one of my favorites. I took a path that most people don’t take, but in the end, it will make all the difference.
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Ooo! This is like the mirror image of my post last week about knowing I'm ready for more. See, we get each other.
The crappy thing about money is that the more you make, the more things you have to spend it on. When you make more money, you find ways to spend it. Like, if you guys had better paying jobs, you'd probably have enough money to start thinking about buying a new car, or getting a house, or having a baby, this that or the other. And once you make the appropriate change, the margin of spending money goes right back to where it was. To some extent. I'm not saying this is an exact science. I barely have any more spending money than I did when I was working part time, 2 days a week. I just have more bills. And if I had a roommate to split all my bills and lived closer to work, true I'd have more money for my pockets, but then I'd probably be like "I think I should vacation or get a new car, or open a new savings account," and therefore I still wouldn't have all that money during my day to day life. There will always be something.
And advice to myself, with marriage being to me what money is to you. Once I'm married, there will always be something else I want. The kids, the kitten, the house, the newer house, the vacation, the new car, the college fund, the cars for the kids, the retirement home… whatever. Humans just naturally suck at being content, I think.
@Trina, It's not just about money though. I'm tired of being in a different stage from all my friends. I desperately want some married or dating friends, but they already have their own friends. I feel like I'm stuck.
It is true that you'd find something to spend money on… we finally paid off our credit cards and then took the plunge to pay more for an apt. We still have extra money, but if we had stayed, vacations would come quicker and be nicer.
I put this in my religion entry the other day (the pw protected one), but this past week or two, I finally understood why some people are just ready for the Lord to come, because I was there last week. I was saying to myself, "I really wish I didn't have to deal with this stress of life anymore, why can't it be easy?" and then I knew that I was yearning for a better place. No, I don't want to die, but I can see now that I am much closer to being okay if the Lord came back before I die… anyways… :)
Josh and I often find ourselves in the same position, wanting more, always wanting more. Now we just look at each other and talk about it, how we need to be happy with what we have because having everything is not everything. We have what we need and God has always provided for us, even when we didn't deserve it! Its hard to accept things the way they are sometimes! keep your head up! Also I am planning to come to the boro to see charlie and cortney was wondering maybe we could get together too while i am there?
@Kaylee, I'd love to see you! It would just depend on when, this whole school/work thing runs my life right now.
Every time I find myself being jealous or discontent I try to focus on what I do have and remember that I am blessed. :)